Strong women

"Remind me of this with every decision, generations will reap what I sow. I can pass on a curse or a blessing to those I will never know. To my great-great-great granddaughter, live in peace."
Sara Groves

When I think of the beauty of our ancestors, this week’s Carnival of Beauty topic, I think of strong women. My great-great-grandmother Harriet moved to New Zealand from England with her husband and their ten children. My great-grandmother Ida raised six children with a husband known as a difficult man. My grandmother Thelma was the wife of a missionary to New Guinea. She cared for her three small children in a primitive hut. The only one of these women I have met is Thelma. She visited when I was a baby and died soon afterwards. Although I do not remember Harriet, Ida, or Thelma, their examples inspire me.

One of the main ways their examples inspire me is in the area of motherhood. In today’s society women are taught that they should and can pursue any career goal. Yet being a mother to many children is considered too difficult. What our ancestors did suddenly becomes too hard, while newer and trendier goals are seen as attainable. It is trendy to be “liberated” from the demands of serving a husband and children, in order to pursue independence and personal fulfilment. The work that women did for generations is looked down upon. A woman can do it all, it seems, except be happy to serve her husband and raise his children.

One of my heart’s desires is to have many children, whether biological or adopted. When I tell people this, they usually list all the reasons why it would be difficult, impossible, or foolish. If I took some people's words to heart, I would despair of the possibility of having any children. I know that I will not understand all the difficulties of having children unless I have my own. I have more experience with children than most single women I know, due to my work babysitting, tutoring for a large family, and teaching. However, I still cannot yet appreciate the demands of caring for children 24/7. I would face greater than average difficulties in being a mother, due to my chronic back pain.

However, the Bible teaches that it is a blessing to have many children (Ps 127, 128, and numerous other places). Investing my life in family would be one of the most worthwhile things I could do. I would face difficulties, but so do women who pursue goals that are less worthwhile. God may not choose to give me many children. I cannot know what my future holds, what my health will be like in five or ten years, how I will balance paid work and family life, or what my hypothetical future husband’s decisions with regard to children will be. However, I continue to believe that there is nothing wrong with hoping that God will bless me with children.

When I think of my ancestors, I am not only encouraged to believe my goal is a worthwhile one. I am also inspired to believe it is possible. My ancestors faced greater difficulties in motherhood than I do. They did not have the painkillers and medical interventions during birth that we have. They risked death to give life. My ancestors also endured moving to unfamiliar and difficult situations. Imagine moving from a familiar place where you had the support of family and friends, to a distant colony. This would be hard even with no children. Harriet achieved it with ten.

Harriet, Ida and Thelma were faithful wives and mothers in the face of their many difficulties. Modern women under the influence of feminism may read about their lives and consider them limited and oppressed. Yet the lives of these three women impart hope and faith to me. Hope that I can endure the difficulties of motherhood as they did. Hope that God will give me the grace to be faithful and loving to a less-than-perfect husband some day, just as they were faithful to their husbands. Hope that my great-great-granddaughter will look upon me as a strong woman like Harriet, Ida, and Thelma.