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Engagement party

Here are some pictures of the engagement party Dave and I had earlier this month. It was a wonderful time with friends and family, which we both enjoyed greatly.


It was an informal gathering, with the only formal parts of the afternoon being a prayer, a short speech from Dave, and the cutting of the cake.

We received a surprisingly huge mound of presents. It is exciting when people surprise you with their generosity!


As well as having a gospel-focused marriage Dave and I want to be focused upon loving others and having good relationships with them. We feel very blessed when we can enjoy time with people. I am looking forward to visiting Dave in Melbourne on May 10, and having another party up there! We are having a combined engagement party/Dave's birthday celebration.

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Thinking bloggers

Keziah kindly nominated me for the thinking blogger award in this post.

Here are the rules for the thinking blogger award:

  1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think
  2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme
  3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote
Since I have been tagged it is my privilege to nominate five people whose blogs have made me think. I am grateful to each of these people.

Kimi Harris' blog is often thought provoking. Most recently, she has written in detail about the value of books in comparison to blogs. Kimi also recently wrote a challenging post about her married life so far, called Dealing with broken expectations. Kimi's hopes for her married life are very similar to my own hopes for my future. It is helpful to think about the fact that although things may not turn out as I hope, God will always be working in my marriage. Hope in him will never be misplaced.

Carmon of Buried Treasure always has thought provoking things to say! I don't read her blog as much as I used to, but whenever I do there is always something to think about. Don't go to her blog though, if you want to agree with everything you read! Go if you want to be challenged to think new thoughts. Carmon writes on everything from politics to church life.

The Girl Talk blog contains plenty to think about. Most recently I have thought about the perfection of beauty, the way God delights in it, and the way we should delight in it as well.

Mike Jolly posts thoughtfully about the Christian life. I have been thinking about his seven blogging virtues. How can I post patiently? Respectfully? With bravery?

Doug's blog is a bit like Carmon's. It has helped me to think differently about history, family life, and church life, to name a few areas. I also credit Doug's blog for helping me to feel less like a weird extremist amongst my Chrsitian brethren for opposing hormonal birth control due to its abortive effects. Whenever I feel like this I can hark my mind back to several quotes from reformers which Doug Phillips posted last year. Check out Calvin or Luther on birth control in general, abortive or not. I think you'll agree that I really am very moderate. Perhaps I could even be classified as a liberal? In the March 2006 archives there are further quotes from other Christian leaders of the past.



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Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness

Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness by Debbie Maken is a controversial book. It only takes a quick spin around a few blogs to note that. Many of the criticisms people make are partly accurate. However, my dominant response to this book is thanksgiving that someone had the intelligence and courage to tell things the way they are.

Albert Mohler Jr., President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, states the problem in a comment on the back cover of the book. “One of the most urgent questions facing today’s generation of young Christians is this – does God really intend for us to make marriage a priority? Confusion reigns in this area of the Christian life. Far too many young Christians sideline marriage, delay marriage, and avoid marriage in an extension of adolescence that is truly unique in human history.” Debbie Maken has done a great deal of research into this unique phenomenon, and the church’s response to it. What she has to say is sobering and necessary. Even if you disagree with her conclusions or applications, she is worth listening to on this topic because she has read and listened widely.

Anyone who has felt uncomfortable with common interpretations of 1 Corinthians 7 will appreciate Debbie’s explanation of what the Bible has to say about marriage. I have commonly heard 1 Corinthians 7 used in an attempt to ‘comfort’ single people. I have always felt uncomfortable with this use of the passage. For a start, Paul says his advice is given because of “the present distress” (1 Corinthians 7:26). His advice that it is better to remain single is for a particular circumstance, not every circumstance. It is surely unwise to allow it to overwhelm the weight of Biblical teaching that marriage is ordinarily God's will. Applying this passage to every single is also unwise because Paul indicates that everyone has different gifts (1 Corinthians 7:7). A present state of singleness is no indication of a gift of celibacy. This passage appears to be talking about a choice of lifelong singleness. If so, it is a mistake to apply it to cases of temporary prolonged singleness where a person has no call to celibacy.

As well as exploring the Bible’s teaching, Debbie presents historical precedents. In the past, the church considered marriage a duty for those who did not have the gift of celibacy. It was considered unwise and even unkind to delay marriage without good reason. Those who chose not to marry, or to delay marriage until late in life, were judged to be depriving a man or woman of a spouse. Christians in the past appeared to be more realistic about sex. Although the Puritans are presented as prudes now, they recognised that the desire for sex is a God ordained natural appetite. Christians in the past recognised that protracted singleness in the absence of a gift of celibacy often led to sexual sin.

Debbie also explores past attitudes to how marriages came about, and the fact that families saw themselves as responsible to help their children form good marriages. This was not a matter of forced and loveless marriages, as Christians in the past also saw the importance of romantic love. Women were supported in their desire to marry. Today, as Debbie says: “forget any sympathy for being single, but be prepared for a lecture on contentment” (p. 61). Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness is worth reading just for its exploration of history.

Part 2 of this book review is coming soon.

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The proposal

I sent out an email to friends and family a few weeks ago about "the proposal". Here is part of what I wrote . . .

Dave proposed to me on Friday 9 March, after going on a walk with my father to ask permission from him. They took so look that I had changed into my pyjamas by the time they got back! Still, Dave asked me on a walk and I agreed to go. I changed my trousers and put on a jacket, but I still had my pyjama top on . . . so I told Dave at the beginning of the walk that he was not to propose to me in such an outfit! I was joking, and he didn't take any notice! We have a special rock we like to sit on at the shore near my parents' home, overlooking the water. We have sat there several times at night, including on New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day. Dave asked me to marry him while we sat on "our rock", listening to the sound of the water. I said "um, um, yes" giggle, giggle. I had plans of profound comments like "Yes, I am sure you will always love me and be a good father to our hypothetical children" should such an occasion arise, but in the end "yes" was enough.


Dave and I usually only visit "our rock" at night, but last Monday we enjoyed a mid-afternoon picnic there! It was fun! My future sister-in-law Jen gave us the hamper for Christmas. In my last post, I forgot to write that my brother also became engaged during my blogging break! He flew his girlfriend Jen to Sydney for the day so he could propose on the beach below Taronga Zoo! My family is going to have a busy year, with two weddings in the space of less than three months. Dave and I are planning to marry on August 18, and Aidan and Jen on November 3.

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A gospel-focused marriage

A lot has happened since I last posted on “Small Things”. Susan is engaged, so is Christina, and so am I. Christina and I are planning to be each others’ bridesmaids. Being engaged is at once exhilarating and stressful! The night Dave proposed, I lay in bed thinking “I am really going to be a wife, which means I will most likely really become a mother.” Roles I had thought about for years were suddenly near enough to be tangible.

When Dave and I were courting, more than one person asked me about whether or not we were in agreement about various matters. Two questions I remember went something like this: “Does Dave agree with you about having lots of babies?” and “Is Dave a creationist?” These are legitimate questions, considering my statements of belief related to these matters. It is important that Dave and I are in agreement, so we can walk together and not in opposition to one another.

Yet the questions left me uneasy. Agreement about
“the pill” or about biblical interpretation is not the primary definition of a good match. Knowing God, trusting in Jesus Christ, and focusing upon his death and resurrection are the foundations for a good marriage. My friends believe this. Yet their questions were a reminder of how easy it is for me to become over focused on secondary matters and ignore what is most important.

I strongly believe that couples should consider their viewpoints on various issues before marrying. Being in agreement is a necessity where practical and ethical decisions must be made. Any woman considering marriage needs to ask herself if she can submit to the biblical teaching and practical decisions of her chosen partner. If they are not in agreement this can be a hindrance to their Christian witness, their happiness, and to their focus upon the gospel.

This must be done, however, without losing sight of the most important things. The questions that should grip a woman considering marriage are “Does this man love God? Is he humbly willing to admit wrong and seek out what God has to say on a matter? Is he excited about what God has done for him in Christ? Does he love God’s word?” I don’t want secondary matters to define my marriage. I want a gospel-focused marriage. Everything about us should be infused with the joy of knowing Christ, and what he has done.

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