A gospel-focused marriage

A lot has happened since I last posted on “Small Things”. Susan is engaged, so is Christina, and so am I. Christina and I are planning to be each others’ bridesmaids. Being engaged is at once exhilarating and stressful! The night Dave proposed, I lay in bed thinking “I am really going to be a wife, which means I will most likely really become a mother.” Roles I had thought about for years were suddenly near enough to be tangible.

When Dave and I were courting, more than one person asked me about whether or not we were in agreement about various matters. Two questions I remember went something like this: “Does Dave agree with you about having lots of babies?” and “Is Dave a creationist?” These are legitimate questions, considering my statements of belief related to these matters. It is important that Dave and I are in agreement, so we can walk together and not in opposition to one another.

Yet the questions left me uneasy. Agreement about “the pill” or about biblical interpretation is not the primary definition of a good match. Knowing God, trusting in Jesus Christ, and focusing upon his death and resurrection are the foundations for a good marriage. My friends believe this. Yet their questions were a reminder of how easy it is for me to become over focused on secondary matters and ignore what is most important.

I strongly believe that couples should consider their viewpoints on various issues before marrying. Being in agreement is a necessity where practical and ethical decisions must be made. Any woman considering marriage needs to ask herself if she can submit to the biblical teaching and practical decisions of her chosen partner. If they are not in agreement this can be a hindrance to their Christian witness, their happiness, and to their focus upon the gospel.

This must be done, however, without losing sight of the most important things. The questions that should grip a woman considering marriage are “Does this man love God? Is he humbly willing to admit wrong and seek out what God has to say on a matter? Is he excited about what God has done for him in Christ? Does he love God’s word?” I don’t want secondary matters to define my marriage. I want a gospel-focused marriage. Everything about us should be infused with the joy of knowing Christ, and what he has done.