Getting Serious About Getting Married: Part 2

Last week I posted part one of my review of Getting Serious About Getting Married. This is part two.

After exploring the biblical and historical teaching about marriage, and the lack of male leadership in our society, Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness tackles some frequent statements about singleness in the church today. Debbie attempts to demolish false arguments. Overall, I appreciated Debbie’s stand against common Christian arguments for singleness. She argues that God has created us with a desire for marriage because it is his will for us. This is why it is misguided to instruct singles to just “focus on God” or throw themselves into ministry, work, friendships or hobbies. God did not create these things to make up for the lack of a spouse. In the Garden of Eden, Adam had a wonderful work situation and intimate communion with God. It is impossible to think of a more perfect situation. Yet it was still not good for him to be alone. Why would God cause human beings to be entirely satisfied without a relationship he intended for them to have?

While it is good to be content with a less than ideal circumstance, singleness, it is not good to pretend that this circumstance is ideal. For those who do not have a gift of celibacy, it is not ideal. Paul was content whether well fed or hungry, imprisoned or free, but he was not required to say that he thought these situations were equally pleasant. Currently in the church, it seems to be expected that singles should pretend their situation is great. This is often conveyed through presenting all the negatives of marriage. Singles are encouraged to be content because marriage is apparently so much worse than they imagine. Such teaching distorts God’s portrayal of marriage. Debbie Maken presents the many benefits of marriage in an attempt to restore readers to God’s perspective.

A negative portrayal of marriage, and the encouragement to ignore or delay a desire to be married, may have another unintended effect. Debbie argues that one reason sexual immorality is rife amongst Christian young people is that they do not have a clear hope of marriage. She writes: “there was a time when children were raised so that their emotional and physical development coincided. As their sexuality began to develop, marriage was just around the corner” (p. 129). Now, with protracted singleness the norm, young people find themselves dealing with desires that have little hope of timely outlet. To wait for what is good, young people must have hope. This hope is reduced when marriage is portrayed negatively or unduly delayed. Abstinence education will only be successful when young people are encouraged to pursue marriage, not indefinite singleness.

Part 3 is coming soon.