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Why I am not a feminist

I wrote this article when I was at the University of Tasmania, for the student magazine Togatus. They had a "Women's Issue" and I was inspired to write something about a matter I am passionate about. Reading over this has reminded me that I really do want to get back into writing "proper" articles and submitting them to "proper publications", not just writing quick and often informal blog posts. I hope you enjoy this article.

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During my first year at university, a lecturer told us that if we believed in education for women we were feminists. Since we were all at university, we were all feminists.

With similar logic, some argue that if you agree with employment being open to women or you disagree with domestic violence “you must be a feminist”.

Yet you can hold all those things in common with feminists, as I do, and still have problems with calling yourself a feminist.

One of my problems with feminist thought, historically as well as in the present, is the tendency to devalue working at home in comparison to paid employment. A couple of quotes from icons of feminist thought should demonstrate this.

Betty Frieden wrote in The Feminist Mystique that housewives are mindless, thing-hungry, and not people.

“[Housewives] are in as much danger as the millions who walked to their own death in the concentration camps,” she said.

Gloria Steinham said in “What It Would Be Like If Women Win” (Time, August 31, 1970) that housewives were parasites.

“[Housewives] are dependent creatures who are still children,” she said.

I find this bias offensive. My mother, a high school teacher, did little paid work for over twenty years while she raised her four children. She pursued many interests at home. She was hardly a mindless parasite. I would be happy to copy her choices.

It is not odd that some women prefer to be at home to care for their children. Women can have young children and a career if they want to. Yet it is nonsense to say they have the same experiences.

I respect the efforts of feminists to open career paths for women. I support feminist advocacy of better child-care, flexible working hours, and improved maternity leave provisions. Removing obstacles for women who want to be in the workforce is good.

What I do not respect is valuing these women’s contributions over those of women who make another choice.

Women who do choose paid employment are still dependent. They are dependent upon their employers to pay them. If they are mothers, they depend upon child-care centres, schools, or family.

Being at home with your children is no more mindless drudgery than most other jobs. Whether you work as an office assistant, a manager, a child-care worker, a sales person, or an accountant, it quickly becomes mundane. It can be more so than being at home. It often gives less scope for pursuing your own interests.

Added to this, most employed women still do most of the care for their home and children. As the Sunday Tasmanian noted on 1 April 2005, “Being a mother, holding down a career and doing the housework can be an exhausting combination”.

So much so that experts have diagnosed a condition called Harried Woman Syndrome. Chronic stress from juggling work and family life causes it. The symptoms can lead to clinical depression or a more serious illness.

How liberating.

To be fair to feminists, they do want men to do more housework and childcare. Some men now do more as a result. Yet most women are still left with the majority of it.

The Sunday Tasmanian (8 May 2005) reported that 40 per cent of men in Spain do no housework. Attempting to change this, Spain has passed a law that men must share the housework.

Dr Carole Ferrier, director of the University of Queensland’s Centre for Women, Gender, Culture and Social Change, stated the obvious. The law probably will not work. It is impossible to police.

The idea that liberated women must be in paid employment has caused women more drudgery, not less. It is not liberating to be expected to earn the bread and butter as well as care for the kids and keep the house liveable.

Many feminists will protest that the aim of the feminist movement is to facilitate choice, not to privilege one choice over another.

If that is the case, they should disown Simone de Beauvoir and her advocacy of removing women’s choice.

“No woman should be authorised to stay at home and raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one,” she said in the Saturday Review, June 14, 1975.

Modern feminists do not state this so bluntly. Yet many of them also see paid employment as more worthwhile.

On October 10, the CBS news 60 minutes program reported that many successful women are leaving their jobs to take care of their children, at least for a few years.

Linda Hirshman is researching this, and it worries her. Women who could have jobs that run the world are instead choosing to opt out of the workforce for a time.

“As Mark Twain said ‘A man who chooses not to read is just as ignorant as a man who cannot read,’” she said.

“They are choosing lives in which they do not use their capacity to deal with very powerful other adults in the world, which takes a lot of skill. I think there are better lives and worse lives.”

Gretchen Ritter, Center for Women’s and Gender Studies director at the University of Texas-Austin, also displays feminist bias.

Ritter wrote an article in the Austin American-Statesman (July 6, 2004) to rebut the idea that choosing to stay home with children is a valid option.

“The stay-at-home mother movement is bad for society,” she said.

Ritter argued that everyone should be expected to give their talents to the broader community.

While feminists continue to express such bias, their claims to advocate choice are not believable. Only when they protest about mothers feeling forced to work, just as they have about women feeling forced to stay home, will they truly advocate choice.

Feminist activists have claimed to speak for women, but in crucial areas they do not speak for me. Rather, as I once told a woman politician who advocated abortion availability, they often make me feel ashamed to be a woman.

MG –   – (February 26, 2007 at 10:53 PM)  

Ritter argued that everyone should be expected to give their talents to the broader community.

...So then a worker at a childcare facility is "giving her talents to the broader community," while the stay-at-home-mom is not? If you get paid to watch someone else's children, you're doing more good than watching your own??

What I do not respect is valuing these women’s contributions over those of women who make another choice.

Well said, Sherrin.

ineedtoread  – (February 27, 2007 at 12:50 PM)  

“No woman should be authorised to stay at home and raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one,” she said in the Saturday Review, June 14, 1975.

Unbelievable. Wake up, people!!

Thank you for the interesting read. Such rot as it out there! Gotta laugh when you read the above compared with some of the other quotes. Laugh? One has to shake one's head...sad world...

Father's Grace Ministries  – (February 27, 2007 at 2:44 PM)  

Well said.I'm not a feminist either.Growing up in the 70's I made the false assumption- not knowing the true nature of feminism-that God through the feminist movement was allowing society to catch up with the freedom Christ had purchased for us at Calvary.
How wrong I was!Deeper study of the scriptures showed that yes women are highly esteemed & not downtrodden in the eyes of God, but we are designed differently to men & have different roles.LAF showed me how bad feminism actually is.
Claire(from Qld)

Ashley –   – (March 1, 2007 at 9:06 AM)  

I really agree with the article you wrote. Isn't it maddening that the so called choice women are offered isn't really a choice anymore? I was a working mother at one point and it was so much harder on my family than it is now. Yet if you tell anyone you stay home with your kids or that you aren't a feminist then they look at you as if you have two heads. LOL

Mrs Pilgrim  – (March 2, 2007 at 9:26 AM)  

What a thought-provoking article...I like the quotes you bring us.

Betty Frieden wrote in The Feminist Mystique that housewives are mindless, thing-hungry, and not people.

Mindless? Ever since I came home, I've read MORE classic literature than I read in college--where I majored in English Lit! The rest of my intellectual pursuits are seeing similar yield.

Thing-hungry? Um, the working moms I know work precisely because they want more money to buy more stuff--not because their jobs as glorified secretaries or sales clerks give them satisfaction. Anyone else see the gaping holes?

Not people? Remember, this was from a woman who was a professional journalist--making her living off of reporting what OTHER people were doing. If you have to spend most of your time repeating glorified gossip...

And Steinem's "parasites" indeed! This from a woman who had an affair so as to coax money out of a billionaire to keep her "Ms." magazine afloat!

Hirshman is one of my favorite blowhards, though.

“They are choosing lives in which they do not use their capacity to deal with very powerful other adults in the world, which takes a lot of skill.”

She makes it sound like nothing else is important. And, of course, it takes no skill to educate impressionable young minds up into productive citizens.

Interesting perspective from a woman whose profession requires her to spend her days teaching college students--who, last time I checked, did NOT qualify as "very powerful other adults." Is this woman AWARE of where children come from?

All in all, good article.

(Sorry if this double-posts, but it seems that Blogger is having problems.)

Gidgit  – (March 2, 2007 at 3:31 PM)  

I have been a stay at home mom as well as a "career" woman. I choose at this time to work becasue I have no children at home. However we are in the process of adopting and if my husband and I see that our children will benefit more by having me home then by all means ... i will come home and raise my children and take care of my home.

And yes as a working woman i still take care of 90% of the house work. God created women to be this way. If being a feminist means that I am going to be going against GodS Word then I will NEVER BE A FEMINIST!

Anonymous –   – (March 3, 2007 at 6:09 AM)  

It amazes me that the majority os even Christians labor under a feministic bias. How sad! I has truly penitrated our culture. Thank you so much for putting out statements from feminists that really bring their ideas to light. It is so important for Christians to stand against such caustic beliefs.

Jennifer  – (March 4, 2007 at 11:35 AM)  

Thanks so much for this great post. I really enjoyed reading it!

Rachel –   – (March 6, 2007 at 5:59 AM)  

Thank you for this article. It's good to have encouragement these days when so many other opinions are to the contrary. I especially liked your comment about how having a harried lifestyle is not liberating.

Anonymous –   – (March 7, 2007 at 7:59 AM)  

As offended as I am by the nature of your website (as I am a feminist), I decided it would be best to look for a balanced view of the feminist topic and thought it would be to the readers benefit to have a marginally balanced view of the opposite side.

I was happy to read that the article at least considered the feminist point of view, but I think it's a shame that the statements given by feminists are taken so literally (we should remember that at the time of writing these women were feeling very much downtrodden and understandably angry) Some of the statements are from women who certainly have a more radical idea than I. Personally I don’t think I devalue the choice of the stay-at-home mother - its not an option I wouldn't consider if needs be. I think the main argument is that a backlash against feminism is clearly damaging to the movement its self; its difficult to ignore all that feminism has achieved!

The most important thing to remember is that feminism opens the door to choice, meaning I have the choice of being a stay-at-home mother or a worker...instead of having only the option to follow a single path.

There are parts of feminist writings that I too disagree with, but I do not follow someone else's idea - I follow my own. It is simply up to the individual.

Mrs Pilgrim  – (March 8, 2007 at 4:09 AM)  

Anonymous feminist,

Betty Friedan was downtrodden? Lady, her husband not only gave her carte blanche to do as she pleased, but he also hired a maid to pick up the slack around the house--with his own money! If she was feeling "downtrodden," I doubt it was her husband's fault.

Gloria Steinem was downtrodden? This was a woman who couldn't get her toenails painted without it being not only splashed across the media, but her choice of colors was praised!

I tell you what. Why don't you go get a copy of Norton's Critical Edition of Kate Chopin's "The Awakening"? Read some of the essays, then and now, about the novel. It seems that, even at the opening of the twentieth century, there was plenty of media support for the feminist perspective--media run by, I daresay, men.

Women were enfranchised in America forty years and more before the feminist Founding Mothers started squawking. Nobody had legislated that women MUST stay home rather than work. Nobody had ruled that a woman's testimony was worth less--or worthless, for that matter; mothers got preference for custody of the children in case of divorce; probate and divorce laws operated to protect wives and widows.

The choice was always there, Anonymous. Read any amount of literature from American history; women have never been FORCED to stay home in America. Now, I can't speak to the foolishness of other nations, granted, but bear in mind that the vast majority of feminist "thinkers" have been American women.

Anonymous –   – (March 8, 2007 at 3:05 PM)  

Feminism has pretty much taken away the choice of being a stay at home wife.
It used to be that sustaining a household with one income is the norm.
I am 19 and single, but when I talk about wanting to be a stay at home mother when I get married, people ask me how in the world I expect to afford that.
Because so many women have entered the workforce, living in today's society has adjusted to two incomes per household. This is why we say that feminism has taken away our choice to be stay at home moms.
We can't comfortably afford it anymore unless we become increadibly frugal, or our husbands have an incredibly high paying job.

Anonymous –   – (March 8, 2007 at 11:20 PM)  

Mrs Pilgram,
I think we must remember that feminist speakers worked on behalf of woman kind, whether they had maids or painted toenails is beside the point - there is a more general quality of life to be considered. It seems apparent that this depends on what we value in life - for myself it’s the right to be heard and to take part in society. Women were not given the options that men had, they were rarely educated and when they were it was not to the degree that was available to men and their voices were certainly not of a value that equated to men regardless if their was no official statement to declare it so.

I also do not doubt that women eventually gained support from men for their movement - we make up half of the worlds population, its not difficult to be heard even if the attention we gain is only to quite us down.

I worry that your debate (though one sided) only considers the history of feminism (after all, there are many contradiction in the feminist argument as it matured, as with many ideologies - many of the early male speakers that influenced feminism were in fact male chauvinists and only mentioned a woman’s rights in passing). It is the future of feminism that is most important; fighting domestic violence, adequate laws regarding rape, abuse, forced prostitution, forced marriage, genital mutilation, ‘honour’ killings and many others. Feminism fights all that attempts to make women subordinate and, again, gives us CHOICE. I did not state that women were forced into a life as a stay-at-home mother, what I meant was that they were given limited choice as to what was available and those from poorer families especially were given even less options. Much more than being a wife and mother were certainly not of the norm.

Sherrin  – (March 12, 2007 at 5:34 PM)  

It is a little challenging when I have two anonymous people to respond to! I will call you "anonymous 1" and "anonymous 2" Who knows, maybe there are three of you, but I am treating anonymous feminist as anonymous 1 and assuming she is responsible for the third anonymous comment!

Anonymous 1 - I agree that we should not stereotype feminists. Feminism is a very broad and diverse movement and includes many stay-at-home Mums. However, it is important to recognise that the movement has often devalued the contribution of stay-at-home Mums. I am sure I could call myself as a feminist if I wanted to, because I support many of the causes you do, but I feel there are too many negative aspects to the movement which have actually made many women's lives harder.

The quotes I cited are recent as well as those from older feminists, so they cannot be excused on the basis that they are from a particular time period! No matter when they were said, they attacked many women in a decidedly un-Christian spirit. Therefore, as a Christian as well as a woman, I must refuse to identify with such sentiments.

Anonymous 2 - I think that is an aspect of the results of the feminist movement that many women find hard. They "just" want to be wives and mothers, yet that is frowned upon or decreed to be impossible. The feminists deliberately tried to eliminate the concept of one person (generally the man) being the bread winner. I do believe it is still possible to be a stay-at-home Mum in most cases. Many women spend a lot by working, on childcare and packed meals for instance. Also, it depends upon the standard of living that is desired. Many households where both partners work full time are aiming to purchase things that are not necessities. Choosing a smaller home or older car can mean the ability to make ends meet on one income or one full time and one part time.

Anonymous –   – (April 6, 2007 at 9:39 PM)  

I love work, love love love love work. I get to have intellectual conversation, talk to other women and improve my intellect.

I dont think i am a feminist, i dont care if you are male or female, that just doesnt matter. It is what you are saying that i listen to, not your gender.

Sherrin  – (April 17, 2007 at 2:39 PM)  

I am glad you enjoy work, and it is good that you listen to what people say rather than base your opinions upon their gender. You will note from my article that I do not hold a "ban women from working" position :). I am simply seeking to point out that the idea of choice implies a choice to be at home as well. The latter choice does not doom women to a life of intellectual atrophy.

Never teh Bride  – (May 10, 2007 at 4:58 AM)  

If you want to make staying at home a viable option for more people (i.e. those who would like to but can't), you need to make some serious changes to the economy. When did women start working en masse? Discounting all those lower income women who worked as a matter of course out of sheer necessity, the answer is right after WWII.

They entered the workforce partly because they had to. The two-car, buy-it-now culture that was quickly emerging changed the family dynamic immeasurably by making women's paychecks (however meager) a necessary part of the family budget.

It wasn't feminism that sent women into the workforce...it was the economy. If you look at the percentage of working women in the years long before books like The Feminine Mystique hit the shelves, you'll see that the numbers were growing year by year.

People like to blame feminism for the fact that it's incredibly difficult to be a stay at home mom nowadays when the truth is that Western world economic factors are actually to blame. Feminism as a cohesive movement didn't become popular until women were *already* in the workforce.

Never teh Bride  – (May 10, 2007 at 5:03 AM)  

I should note for the record that my comment is based on statistics for the USA :)

Anonymous –   – (November 20, 2008 at 11:14 AM)  

Anonymous said...
I love work, love love love love work. I get to have intellectual conversation, talk to other women and improve my intellect.


Who on earth loves to work outside the home, seriously?!! That's why it's called work-that's why you get paid for it. Yeah, and I love (to the fourth power) to clean my cat's litter box.

AS for intellectual pursuits, for the majority of the people that is what you can choose to do on your free time, like this blog. Try standing around and having intellectual pursuits, or somthing like them, at work and see how fast you get fired.

That's the part of feminism that makes me think that it is just something forced upon a hapless society by outsides agitators. I just don't ever buy that women are oppressed if they don't have to work outside the home. Nobody like work, hence the term work. As for the work within the home, it's still work, but actually work that satisfies because it's work one directly benefits from as well as those one cares about, aka your family. And name one job where you can work as freely and comfortably at home as a housewife.

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