To marry or not to marry?

In this post, I stated that:

"I have noticed that many reasons Christians give for why they are happy to remain single are also self centered. So are most of the things Christians say to people who are not happy about being single. For example, "you have so much more time and you don't have to take care of others". Yay! What a great time in my life to value my individual freedom and autonomy so I can become more and more selfish and less willing to adjust to the serving that is necessary in marriage! [Read sarcasm, please!]. Of course, Christians can always bring out 1 Corinthians 7 . . . but I think most of us know that the reason we are not married is not because we are serving God better that way! "

In response, someone (anonymously) posted some verses from 1 Corinthians 7, concluding that it "Seems the Bible thinks differently".

The problem with coming to such conclusions on the basis of 1 Corinthians 7 is that the Paul's writings in the Bible do not present one instruction on the matter of whether or not to marry. The same Bbile that says in 1 Corinthians 7:8 "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried" also includes 1 Timothy 5:14 "I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity for the adversary to speak reproachfully".

What are we to conclude on the basis of this? The only conclusion I can come to is that there are specific situations where it is better to be unmarried, and there are other situations where it is more godly to marry. It is no more appropriate for Christians to apply 1 Corinthians 7 to all unmarried people than it would be for me to apply 1 Timothy 5 to them. I'd love to see the reactions if I started telling all my unmarried friends they ought to marry as soon as possible, have babies, and keep house, lest they bring reproach to the faith. This would be considered inappropriate. Yet it is the equivilant of applying 1 Corinthians 7 to everyone. Another reason to be suspicious of teaching that emphasises Paul's advice to the unmarried in this passage, to the exclusion of his other writing, is that Titus 2 assumes that marriage is normative. Paul instructs the younger women to love their husbands and children and keep their homes.

I am comfortable with arguing that the weight of Biblical evidence, and the weight of Paul's writing, presents marriage as the normative state we should aspire to - unless, as 1 Corinthians 7 mentions, we have the same gift as Paul: celibacy. If a person had this gift, they would usually be called to a ministry they could not do if they were married. For example, a very risky itinerant mission work. They may also live in a time of great trouble, as 1 Corinthians 7 explains. I know very few single people who serve God better than married people, and perhaps this is because they are not single due to biblical conviction and a desire to serve God better but due to selfish choices or to social circumstances that are beyond their control. For further reading on this topic, see my review of Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness.