Lydia's blog

Visit Lydia's blog to find out about . . .

1. Her Candid reflections on getting married. Find out how Lydia abandoned "the faulty notion that a person should assume he or she has been given the gift of celibacy (life-long state of remaining unmarried) unless God calls him or her to marriage." Crystal's comments on this post, about being content whilst desiring marriage, are gems.

2. Her inspiring younger sister! It was such a blessing to read about Susanna's godly character. I wish I could meet her! I am sure that she could teach me a lot about homemaking. We live in a time when, even in the church, it is commonly expected that teenagers will behave badly. It is wonderfully refreshing to read about young people who are examples of God's way to spend your youth. I would be much better prepared for marriage now if I'd choosen to work productively and love God as a teen, instead of grumbling and feeling sorry for myself!

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Getting Serious About Getting Married: Part 3

If you would like some context for this book review, please read parts 1 and 2 which are included under my books category.

Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness reinforced my feeling that Christians should not glibly suggest to people that they are called to be single all their lives, as they commonly do. Such glib references to a lifetime alone fail to recognise the gravity of this outcome. Only a culture as individualistic as our own could refer to the loss of companionship and children without a sense of gravity. They are also suggesting a lifetime without sex. This is also no small thing, as Debbie Maken so ably points out. What they are suggesting is a lifetime of struggling against our God-given sexual natures, with no lawful outlet. I explored this in part 2 of my review of the book.

Stories about person x who got married at 50 are also unhelpful. Such stories glibly skim over all that is lost through such a late marriage. Those who marry late forgo the gift of children, for a start. It is unsurprising that worldly people who do not consider children to be important would overlook this, but Christians who value the Bible’s teaching about children should not consider the loss of them a small thing. Suggesting that people who never have their own children can make up for it by volunteering in the church nursery is offensive and ridiculous in the extreme. Sometimes God chooses that people will not have children, but this is a matter for grief and not for suggestions of Sunday School teaching. Christians need to re-learn the concept of “weep with those who weep”. Yes, it is helpful to serve in the church. Singles and childless people should look for such outlets. However, there should be no pretense that this can take up the place one’s own children would have.

While I am grateful that Getting Serious About Getting Married raised these kinds of issues, and critiqued common tendencies to trivialise singleness, I also have some concerns with the approach that was taken. While it is important not to gloss over the losses prolonged singleness brings, it is also important to encourage people to live happy and contented lives as singles and to make the best of a less than ideal situation. I would not give this book to some friends. Debbie Maken is perhaps too sympathetic with discontent singles. The approach she takes may fuel discontent in young women.

Due to this concern, I cannot quite agree with Albert Mohler that “This book should be a must-read for all Christian young adults – and all who love them.” It is a must-read for mature Christians, but perhaps not for those who would be unable to place it in its appropriate Biblical context. It should, at the least, help Christians to re-think their ungodly responses to singleness. Too often, Christian responses to singleness resemble the ugliness described in Proverbs 25:20. “Like one who takes away a garment in cold weather, And like vinegar on soda, Is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.” Christians need to stop singing songs to heavy hearts, and admit that in most cases prolonged singleness is not good. It was not good at the beginning of creation, and it is not good now.

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Engagement party - take 2

One benefit to Dave and I living in different states is that we could have two engagement parties! Our party in Melbourne also celebrated Dave's 30th birthday.

At the party, John Dekker quickly found the most beautiful company in the room . . .


It was great to have one of "my" friends at the party, a friend I knew before meeting Dave. It is great to meet Dave's Melbourne friends, and they are all very friendly, but I don't know any of them well yet.


We had a small bonfire, which stayed alive for a long time considering the fact that we had little to put on it! We enjoyed sitting around the fire.


To finish up the evening, we opened presents with some of our guests. Present opening is ever so much more fun when there are people to share it with! We had different guests arriving at different times throughout the evening, and we appreciated the fact that so many came to celebrate with us.

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Fun in Melbourne

On my first night in Melbourne, our friends Christina, Margaret and Peirce stayed at Dave's. It was fun to talk and laugh with them again! We appreciated the opportunity to get to know Peirce better as he is from the USA and we had only met him once before. Christina and I are going to be bridesmaids at each others' weddings.


On Sunday Dave and I went into the city center (at least 1 hour's drive from Dave's home). We enjoyed the parks, the river, and the Art Gallery.


We were also able to visit our friend John Dekker's church in the evening. We especially enjoyed the singing.

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Dave's home

I enjoyed spending several days at Dave's home last weekend. It looks very run down on the outside, but it is quite cosy within! Dave has enjoyed renting this property because of its beautiful rural location. It also has very low rent, which is a bonus!


We spent some lovely time on the front porch, reading Lord of the Rings and discussing everything financial from how many toys children should be given to whether or not to take out a loan for a home and how much debt for a home would be too much. We really want to always maintain a grateful attitude for what God has given, rather than overcommiting outselves and then feeling stretched and complaining that we "can't afford" things.


I was blessed to stay with a friend of Dave's a few minutes drive away. She was an example of hospitality. When I arrived, there were lots of chocolates on the towel near my bed, as well as hand cream, soap and shower gel. This was a lovely surprise! She also took the trouble to find out that I liked fruit, and bought me some even though she doesn't like it. I love it when I stay at people's houses and gain more tips for hospitality through observing their actions!

I hope to post more pictures of my time in Melbourne soon.

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Haystacks

My friend Shiloh asked what haystacks were in the context of food, since I listed them as part of Week 2 of my sample menu plan. Haystacks are corn chips with different toppings on them. Usually, many bowls are set up along a counter. The first bowl will contain corn chips. The second will contain beans or mince with tomato, which is one of the main things to put on the haystack. There is usually also shredded lettuce, chopped fresh tomato, perhaps some beetroot, olives, grated carrot, spring onion, or whatever else takes your fancy! To finish off, you put cheese on the top. I have never actually made this, but I've had it several times at other people's houses, and it looks easy enough. It seems like an easy thing to have when guests come over.

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A new creation

One of the most amazing parts of the Christian faith is that those who are saved are “born again” or made “new creations” in Jesus Christ. I have recently been studying this through the book The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace and also through The Excellent Wife Study Guide. I hope to write more about these in another post, as I highly recommend them. One of the studies is about putting off old ways and putting on the new man (or in this case, woman).

As Christians, our old selves were crucified with Christ. This means we are no longer trapped in wrongdoing. Sin no longer has dominion over us. (See Romans 6:6,7, 14). We do not have to sin. While before conversion we were trapped in sin, now we can be free! We are to put off the old man, and put on the new man (Ephesians 4: 22, 24).

I find it an incredible blessing to think about the way God has re-created me. I was once captive to all kinds of characteristics of the old man: selfish anger, corrupt words, lying, fellowship with unfruitful deeds of darkness, filthiness, stealing, coarse joking, drunkenness, lust, malice, strife, filthy language, blasphemy and revelry (see Ephesians 4 & 5, Romans 13:12-14 and Colossians 3 for the Biblical references to these traits).

I have been completely set free from many of these, such as drunkenness. Some traits surface very occasionally, such as filthy language. Other traits of the old man, such as anxiety, are a continual struggle. While there is a moment at which I was born again, and my heart was changed from rebelling against God to loving and following him, putting off the old and putting on the new is a continual process.

The Excellent Wife book and study guide encourage readers to choose each day to put on what is good and put off what is not. For example, instead of being anxious we are to pray and give thanks (Philippians 4:6). Giving thanks is also the antidote to filthiness, foolish talking and coarse joking (Ephesians 5:4). It is wonderful that God doesn’t just tell us what to give up, he tells us what to embrace.

As I consider my “old man”, I am amazed at God’s grace to me in preparing me to be where I am now. God has brought both Dave and I in to his family, and enabled us to base our relationship upon him. As the “old man” it is doubtful that I would have wanted to marry. I was quite hostile to the idea. Now, due to the work of Christ’s death and resurrection, Dave and I are able to make this step. God's miraculous work in our lives to bring us to this point is a reminder to us that he will continue to work in our lives to help us and to glorify himself. It is a reminder that we can trust him.

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