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Helping your own husband

And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable to him.” Genesis 2:18.

This verse gives us a summary of the role of a wife toward her husband. Just as Eve was created to be Adam’s helper, so God intends that each wife will help her own husband. While feminists have derided this role as life in second-class, Christian women know that God’s design is best.

As a new wife, I am at the beginning of my journey of helping my husband. I have mainly concentrated on helping my husband through willingly embracing the things the Bible indicates a wife should aspire to. I have also tried to support Dave in his research career, simply through being positive about it and trying not to complain about various difficulties such as travel. Dave’s work of studying trees is part of his role in taking dominion over the earth and providing for us.

One thing I have discovered is that my ideas of being a helpful housewife and Dave’s ideas don’t always match! For example, I believed that a good wife is frugal and is always looking for new ways to save. When I expressed this to Dave, he said we were frugal enough. I am still careful with our money, especially when it comes to groceries, but I have changed some of my ideas about budgeting.

As wives, we need to find out what our husbands want us to focus our attentions upon. Not all the good things we read on blogs, about frugality or other aspects of homemaking, will be a help to our husbands. On “A Deeper Love” I have written a lot about gardening and the Creation Mandate. However, my main reason for focusing upon this is my husband’s passion for us to grow our own vegetables. If Dave thought vegetable growing was a waste of time, I would not put as much energy into this.

Assess whatever you read on blogs on the basis of your husband’s priorities. All of us should seek to shape our priorities around God’s word, but that will look different in each family and season. For now, I’m working on the main thing Dave has told me would help him: being happy! I am generally happy, but tend to get worried and stressed at times. Learning to relax, and develop a quiet spirit, is my main challenge in being a helper. What about you?

Bron  – (June 15, 2008 at 11:36 AM)  

Great post!

It's such a simple thing isn't it, to consider (and ask!) how you can be helpful or loving to the one whom you love. Yet it's so easy to thoughtlessly help, or love or whatever in our way, perhaps even having the opposite of the intended effect!

One classic example that I heard, which I reckon is more often true than not is that most husbands would prefer a peanut butter sandwich for dinner and a wife who is happy to make love, than a gourmet meal and an exhausted, disinterested wife.

And you're so right about being happy - I know that I can be so serious and stressed out, yet the most helpful thing I can do is just to relax and enjoy hanging out together. That's one of the reasons I decided to only work part time - because I am more stable, less exhausted and in general, a much better wife!

Faith  – (June 16, 2008 at 11:16 AM)  

The one thing the Lord has taught me over the last (almost) 18 years of being a helpmeet to my Dave, is that He (God) made us to be equal yet different! My challenge has been (easier over time, but still a challenge for me) to LISTEN. to shut my mouth and listen!! My Dave is far from frugal. He LOVES spending $$ on me, the girls, the vacations, etc. BUT...he taught me the importance of tithing, like my own dad, and he always puts that first. I sometimes have complained or worried about our "budget" but my husband has gently pointed out that the Lord loves to bless us and that he gave us a brain to use wisdom. He also reminds me that the Bible commands us not to worry or complain but to be content in all things and to place our anxieties upon Him. I totally agree with you about some of the blogs that stress frugality. Some people have to be very frugal due to limited income, etc. I always thought we had to as well but like my husband says "someone else's life style is not what ours is nor are those things gonna get us into the Kingdom". by saying that he helps me!! I guess we balance each other out, too. I have tons to say on this topic but I'll stop. sorry this is so long!!
God bless your week.

Sherrin  – (June 16, 2008 at 5:17 PM)  

Hello Bron,

I think the quote you mention is from Carolyn Mahaney, and I am sure she is generally right.

You are right that we must try to help in the way our husbands truly find helpful . . . I'm still learning that one! Being happy is seemingly such a simple thing, but deliberate choices have to be made in order to make it happen. I need to seek God about it more, as I know that it is not possible for me on my own. One of my goals for last week was to not cry all week . . . I lasted till Friday!

It is good to hear from a wife who is further along in her journey :)

Hello Faith,

Thanks for sharing your frugality journey!

I think your husband's point about the Bible's commands not to worry or complain, and to be content is a very good one. I am continually falling down in this respect. Often, my frugality can come from worry rather than from a desire to serve and give.

I'm so glad Christ is at work in us, and in our marriages, to help us to overcome our sins and walk in the beauty he intends . . . otherwise we would have no hope!

My husband is also passionate about giving, and that is another area where we need to give up worrying about ourselves and just respond as the Lord leads.

love Sherrin

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