Strategies for a toddler and baby

Back in July I shared the first part of an interview with Lisa, preparing an older sibling for the new baby. Since then my blogging thoughts have been taken up with completing the True Woman review by September 1! Now I would like to share the second part of the interview. I was encouraged and convicted as I considered Lisa's thoughts, and I hope you will also be blessed. Please feel free to add any advice you have in relation to these questions! (The cute picture is from Wikimedia Commons).

What strategies did you put in place for the early days of having a second child at home?

We were blessed to be able to have Nathaniel take off time following Abigail’s birth. This helped a lot! In addition, we tried to make things simple…no fancy meals, paper dishes, low expectations for chores, etc. I had made a couple of make-ahead meals and we were blessed by our family and church with a few other meals. Having realistic expectations of what is NOT going to get done was helpful for me and allowed me to rest a bit more.

How did you ensure that the older child was content and happy during feeding times for the new baby?

Because my husband was home for the first week, this was an issue that we were able to ease into. Daddy helped teach Abraham some techniques for keeping Abigail awake during feeding time such as tickling toes and happy songs. Once Nathaniel was back to work, I would have Abraham help me with Abigail as he and Daddy had done the week before. I also told Abraham stories, instructed him, and interacted with him from my spot about toys and ideas for his playing. Lastly, we ensured that, to the level he needed, the house was safe for him to be in with less supervision than prior to new baby coming.

This is another area where I had to make sure that I had realistic expectations. Abraham was the only child before and was now one of two. I had to make sure that I helped him adjust with a lot of patience.

Do you have any tips for remaining in harmony with your husband and ensuring he remains a number 1 priority?

Communicating and planning allowed my husband and me to remain connected throughout our adjustment to having more than one child. Even now, we find that if communication or planning slip, it is far easier to tag-team parent/divide and conquer, which we do employ occasionally, but try to avoid. We eat dinner together each evening. We are teaching the children that there are times when Daddy and Mommy are talking that they may not interrupt. We make a point to spend time together after the children go to bed. We pray together each night, for our family, for each other, and for others. And we try to make the most of spontaneous moments of affection and enjoy each other’s company.

How did you continue to draw strength from God and his word during those busy early days?

Prayer was the primary element I used to draw on the Lord’s strength that I could not have done without. I found that this was easier than reading my Bible as I was able to do it with the lights out or pray out loud for the kids while I nursed and Abraham played. I asked for wisdom about how to pray and I would pray for God to bring memorized Scripture to mind. God is faithful when we cry to him and oh so gracious in providing strength for the tasks that he has called us to when we rely on him as the source of that energy.

Without really planning it, we ended up singing one specific hymn over and over during the early days of both Abraham and Abigail’s life (‘Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus and My Jesus I Love Thee, respectively). I believe that this was from the Lord, but I also plan to repeat it for any future babies. I love the rich words of hymns and the snippets of Scripture throughout the songs.

I also tried to take advantage of short moments of time in the Word. It was very difficult and still is today to use my time wisely and to make that choice to read the Word rather than to do something domestic with a short block of time, but I would ask God to help me prioritize it and use the few lines in my day to make me more like Him—even if it didn’t meet my expectation for what “time in the Word” should or had previously looked like.

In hindsight after going through the stage of having a toddler and a new baby, is there anything you would do differently or wish you had done?

I wish that I had just rested and enjoyed our family in all its newness. I put too much pressure on myself to have this “new” become “normal” too quickly. Huge changes are allowed to take a little bit of time. I didn’t need to show off to anyone how quickly I was able to resume my prior activity level, but I had a bit of that in my motivation.

Thankfully, the Lord’s mercies are new every morning. I’m still learning how to be the mother to two children and I think I’ll always be learning as a parent—it’s hard not to when things change so quickly. I’m learning a lot about being content in what God has called me to in being a mother and I’m grateful that He doesn’t leave me to my own devices, but provides support, encouragement, and strength to me in my precious role as Mommy to Abraham and Abigail.

Read more...

A call to die

The call to the counter-revolution is essentially a call to die. Nancy Leigh DeMoss reminds us that if we are to fulfill God's purposes in the world we must die "to ourselves, to our own plans, to our own desires".

"Our generation has an unprecedented opportunity and responsibility to invest our lives into God's kingdom. The question is, are we willing to go against the flow, to lay down our personal convenience and dreams and take up the cross of Christ."

This "call to the counter-revolution" explained in the ninth chapter of Voices of the True Woman Movement is the opposite of the feminist call to self-fulfillment. I have found that it is necessary to "die" even to our own ideas of how we want to serve God. There have been many times when I have wanted to do something good that God did not allow me to do. It is easy, at these times, to hold onto my own plans and resent the intrusion of the circumstances God has appointed!

One example is our desire to adopt children. Yes, even though we have one baby and one-on-the-way our desire is also to adopt orphaned or abandoned children! Yet for the next couple of years at least our location and life circumstances make this impossible. We continue to pray that we will have an opportunity to adopt, but given the great difficulties involved we know it will be an act of God. My desire has often been to plan out a way to do it, and there have been several times where laying these down has been both necessary and painful.

Another example is hospitality. I'd love to get to know everyone in our small church, and have each family or individual over for a meal. However, many people are simply too busy to come! I have had to die to my desire to tick off everyone in the church directory. I've faced the ugliness of my own heart as I've reacted badly when hospitality is just plain hard. God is in control. If many of the people in our church remain "strangers" in our knowledge of their hearts and lives, despite our best efforts, I need to accept that and be content with the opportunities we do have.

It has been surprising to me to discover that God expects us to "die" not only to sinful desires, but also to our own plans for serving Him. There are countless opportunities to serve God before each one of us - but they are sometimes not those we dream of and plan towards. I have found greater peace and freedom as I've sought to embrace the opportunities we do have to build God's kingdom, while praying and trusting God for other opportunities in future. What about you? Have you had to die to some of your plans for serving God?

Read more...

Prayer: your legacy

Fern Nichols writes that "even with so many things to be busy about - most of them good things- the absolute best thing you can do is to pray."

"You cannot give a greater gift to those you love." 

 I don't live like I believe this. I agree with Fern's statements, but too often my life and feelings don't match up with these truths. I am more eager to complete my unborn baby's quilt than I am to pray for her future. At times I grow frustrated and despondent when I can't do what I want physically, or cannot pursue various learning opportunities, even though I can still do the best thing.

While a clean house, good meals and creative gifts bless my family, even the best of these things are temporary. In contrast, "Long after we're gone and our lives are but a memory, God will still be responding to the faithful, fervent prayers we've offered on behalf of our dear ones." Our prayers are powerful not just in the present, but into the future and eternity.

The eighth chapter of Voices of the True Woman Movement, "leaving a lasting legacy through prayer", has provided me with fresh inspiration and determination in my prayer life. In less than three months I will once again be spending hours feeding a tiny baby. I will be making leaps and bounds in living the truth about prayer if instead of being frustrated and bored, I can invest time in prayer and feel that I have done something worthwhile.

Read more...

3 years of marriage

What a huge amount we have to praise God for as we pass the three year mark in our marriage! This year was the first time we've celebrated our anniversary in Australia, as we were in South Africa for the prior two.

We left Elnathan with his grandparents and spent a night alone at "Poppies" cottage on Bruny Island, about an hour from our home. What a luxury it was to spend nearly all afternoon, hours and hours uninterrupted, reading books in front of a crackling fire!

The next day we went on cruise together around the island. The word "cruise" makes me think of a calm trip with drinks and snacks. Well, this one was quite different as we mounted large waves in the ocean and crashed back down again. This was not a cruise for those afraid of early labour. Thankfully I was 100% fine . . . Dave was the one who suffered from a queasy tummy! We had some amazing views of God's creation.

We picked Elnathan up that afternoon and he came with us for two more nights. As part of our "family celebration" we gave gifts that could benefit our family including games (checkers, chess, Uno), Playschool DVDs (we don't have TV), and a toy drum.

The idea of having a family celebration around the time of our wedding anniversary comes from the friends who introduced us four years ago. We love this idea and hope to continue it in coming years. 

 Our cottage was a short walk from the beach and we loved our walks there, despite the cold.

Much of the pleasure was in seeing the antics of our fifteen month old, who loves to walk and climb and communicate about the things he is seeing.

It is wonderful how interesting nature is to a tiny child. God created the perfect classroom.

Read more...

28 weeks of pregnancy

Entering the third trimester of pregnancy is a great excuse to get out my most "obviously pregnant" dress! I have to be in the right mood for this dress!

Time has flown . . . and now I'm nearly 29 weeks with only about 11 weeks to prepare. 

We continue to praise God for a relatively easy pregnancy, although my back pain has worsened and I need to rest more.

In this picture we can see one of new baby apple trees on its espalier. You can also see the part of our veggie garden that has next to nothing in it at the moment except horse manure, waiting for spring plantings. I am hoping to get lots of planting done before November 11!

Read more...

God's jewels

"If you want to shine with His glory, it will be on His terms". Those are the words of Joni Eareckson Tada, a woman who was paralyzed at a young age and has spent decades learning how to glorify God through suffering. In the seventh chapter of Voices of the True Woman Movement, "God's jewels", Joni explains the way God uses suffering to defeat our sin. She presents the question: "Why not cooperate with what God is doing in your life - preparing you through difficulty and hardship for His beauty to come shining through?"

One of Joni's challenges is to focus on others who are needy, using what God has given you to make a difference in the lives of others. I often think about this, as we have been given so many resources and advantages! I am limited in physical strength, however, and struggle with a great deal of pain daily. This means that giving physical assistance to others is hard. Since I find it a challenge to keep up with my own housework, I am not able to clean the homes of others when they have a need. I often give meals, but have to face cutting back on that also as I near birth and aim to stock up our own freezer to provide for us in the early months of our new child's life. So what can I do? I have a little mental list for this time in my life:

* Write cards - isn't it wonderful to receive a thoughtful, thankful card or letter in your mail box? I want to increase in blessing people in this way.
* Pray for God's provision for those I can't help physically
* Email in encouraging ways
* Blog with the goal of encouraging others
* Give financially
* Welcome everyone who comes to our home
* Visit the local community center and contribute there
* Visit those who are sick or elderly
* Attend church and encourage others there
* Say "yes" to service opportunities that use verbal or written gifts, rather than physical strength. These include opportunities to share at women's events and taking children's talks at church.
* Organise prayer meetings and attend those that others hold

At times I may have to even cut back on some of this. Visiting becomes more difficult when I am in more pain and may not be possible when the baby is tiny.  Whatever our challenges, though, we can all do something to bless others and further God's kingdom. I was encouraged when I read Joni's exhortation that "it's through obeying in small, yet great ways, that God miraculously changes you."

Read more...

Righteousness exalts a nation

Righteousness exalts a nation,

but sin is a reproach to any people.

Proverbs 14:34

Today Australia went to the polls to vote for our Federal Government. I went with steam coming out my ears, because I hate compulsory voting. Every party advocate handing out "how to vote" cards got a little of my steam, with an "Absolutely not" being the reply to a request to "Vote 1 Green". I was more polite to some others, "Thanks but no thanks" being the response to their how to vote papers. If I must vote, I certainly don't need help.

What has been notable to me in this election campaign has been the total lack of information about where candidates stand on moral issues. I can only assume that this is because people just don't care. In this election campaign, prosperity and good economic management exalt a nation.  Sin, apparently, consists of distributing the wrong amounts of money to the wrong people or fudging its administration. The only moral issue that gained much coverage during this campaign is the question of how we treat strangers, termed "asylum seekers" or "illegal immigrants". On this matter, sin seems to be letting any of these dangerous folks set foot on our shores or enter our waters.

Once I got into the polling booth, I realised that I would have been there even if it had not been compulsory. No, none of the candidates for the House of Representatives deserved my attention (or a pencil mark on the ballot). I might have to turn up, but no one can force me to put numbers in boxes. When it came to the Senate, though, I cared desperately about voting 1 for a man I know to be godly and whose seat may be threatened. This is a man whom I know "exalts" our nation. As I consider the vote count tonight, I am grateful that no matter who is elected I will continue to be free to teach our son as we see fit, have babies, and go to church. Right now, we still have much to praise God for in this nation. The future is uncertain though, when   we seem to have forgotten that sin and righteousness matter in public life.

Read more...