iSonto #47, for old times sake.

It is nearly a year since my last iSonto post!

We are thankful for the gift of a Thermomix, courtesy of anonymous donor A.D.Mirer . . . we have our guesses, but no admissions on the part of a key suspect. This machine is proving useful for soups, curries, porridge and more.

More on the thanks list includes Gramps visiting from South Africa, a warm day, spring leaves, a preschool curriculum we enjoy, and learning the power of 5 minute tidy ups every hour.

  Elnathan was counting with beads. I love having little things like this around the house!

Mercy was always happy to go on an outing. I think we have the cutest back seat these days!

Billy was continuing his career as a dream baby. 8 months yesterday and a delight to us all.

One memory verse was "you shall not lie" Exodus 20: 16. We are still repeating the last iSonto's memory verse about pleasant words a lot . . . and it is still one of our main challenges! Any tips would be appreciated :)!

From garden to tummies . . .

Silverbeet and spinach.

A book we enjoyed together was "The Baby on The Way", a sweet library book about an African American 10th child.

Encouragement, ideas and inspiration came from "Large Family Logistics" by Kim Brenneman, a wonderful book for families of any size, even smallish ones like us! I have found this book invaluable in getting our busy little household more under control.

One funny moment was Billy laughing at Nate pressing on his tummy.

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Reflections on our days with one child

 Last year a friend asked me this question:  "I was wondering if
you had your time over what you would have enjoyed more or done
differently when you only had one child." Here is my answer.

In the short space of time in which I had only one child, I am glad that I  . . .

* Always aimed to "redeem the time", knowing that future days could be much busier. I did this even before the second pregnancy when Elnathan was nine months old, but especially afterwards!

* Mainly devoted nap times to things like education research and completing craft projects, or to necessary rest and cleaning. God is kind to many of us as mothers in gradually removing that time for personal pursuits. It seems like a luxury now that I used to set aside half an hour a day, at a set time during a nap, to email/blogging/ necessary Internet activities like paying bills. However, at the time that was actually a way of "redeeming the time" through limiting Internet use to that time. It seems like even more of a luxury that I used to have an uninterrupted hour or so to work on quilts. However, now when I look around the house I am extremely grateful to have these projects completed and adorning the home. It really lifts the spirits to see their colourful beauty. Our goal must be to love God and love others with whatever time and resources we have available, and I did that to the best of my ability at that time.

* Established a flexible routine for Nate that was invaluable when Mercy came, including room time, nap, and DVD time.

* Always allowed him lots of freedom outdoors to touch the dirt or inspect garden veggies after they were picked, or roam the house.

My regrets from this one child stage include . . .

* Comparing myself with other mothers and getting upset because they could do more physically, or do things faster, or feeling guilty because I had more time free for non-essentials. As you know, chronic pain limits how much I can lift my child, clean the house, and much more! So comparisons were foolish. I am still trying to gain the skill of learning from others, and their example, without comparing myself to them. I think it is important not to compare ourselves to other mothers, but to rather seek to use our situation to the glory of God. Sometimes Mums say "you only have time for that because you have x number of children, or your children are x age". The truth is that our circumstances are all so different that it is hard to compare! It is not wise to try (see  2 Corinthians 10:12). A Mum with only one difficult baby may have less available time than a Mum of three peaceful children in a good routine. Our job is to encourage each other in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. We are to embrace our own circumstances and really apply ourselves to making the best of them. I often fall short of this goal, and have to repent, but I do believe that it is important to try not to compare ourselves to others. It would be better to point other Mums to God's word or simply to encourage whatever good they are doing.

* Spending very little time playing with my tiny boy. I read to him a lot but rarely just stopped to interact with him in his simple play.

* Saying "no" to Elnathan many times a day, and encouraging very little. Much of my attention toward him was negative. Thankfully I began to recognise this error around 20 months, and change, but some damage was done.

* I observed/heard about a parenting philosophy in which you left things out (like bins) to train the child not to touch them. Now I wish that I'd just put them away and minimised temptations for him. At one point we were trying to teach him not to pull any books off the shelf, but we were much better off once we gave him his own shelf. He was so happy with that, and left our books alone! "Do unto others" comes to mind. How would I want to be treated if I was a toddling baby just discovering the world? Training in obedience is vital, but we don't need to do that with unnecessary temptations. More recently I listened to Doug Wilson talks (http://www.canonwired.com/sermons/sermon-loving-little-ones-i-luke-171-2/) on loving little ones. He encourages parents to have as few rules as possible, but to enforce them rigorously. Our home should be a garden - think of the Garden of Eden, there was only one thing they were not to take!

* It would have been good to spend more time writing out a vision or philosophy for homemaking and parenting, while I had the time. This may have held me steadier during difficult periods. Now I want to do it but time is scarcer!

* Not establishing regular times for Dave and I to have "dates" at home or elsewhere in which we focused deliberately on building our marriage and listening to one another. We got by well with one child. Later with the second child we discovered after breaches occurred that we needed focused time. Establishing this pattern earlier may have averted pain later.

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10 things that help me to feel good as a Mum

A friend once asked me what makes me feel good as a Mum. Here are 10 of the things on my personal list.

1. Meditating on God's word and learning to rest in His favour, promises, and guidance. I am refreshed and uplifted as I focus on what God says. This evening as I meditated on Ps. 46 God spoke to my heart about the upcoming birth and early days of parenting two children. My heart was encouraged as I believed that "we will not fear" because God is with us! At the moment I tend to meditate on small segments of Scripture rather than following a plan and reading large chunks. 

2. Being thankful for the abundance God has provided, and for the people in my life. The Revive Our Hearts ministry has a wonderful 30 day challenge that helped me grow in this area. I also recommend the husband encouragement challenge that made me enormously thankful for my husband! You can find these challenges here.

3. Making time to sit down and do something other than housework. I stop housework during Elnathan's morning room time and afternoon nap, and at 8pm in the evening. As we all know, housework never ends! I need time boundaries that make sure it does not take over every waking moment. This is a physical need in my case, due to chronic pain, but it also gives me special times to look forward to each day.

4. Pursuing peace in relationships. It is easy to become involved in pointless conflicts that sap our emotional energy and our time, distracting us from building God's kingdom. Minding our own business is one way we have found to avoid this. This is as important online as in "real life". There are many blogs that focus on conflicts or faults in particular people. I avoid these, particularly writers with razor keyboards.

5. Learning, particularly about topics that are not directly related to the day-to-day running of the household. Learning about diverse subjects will be of benefit to our family as we plan to home school. This year I have loved making progress with learning Zulu and teaching some words to our son. I set aside 10 - 15 minutes a day, and have been surprised at how much it is possible to learn with this small time commitment.

6. Having projects that can be completed. Reading books and completing quilts, scrapbook pages and educational aids all fit into this category.

7. Maintaining our home as a place of order, beauty , education and ministry. I am here most of the time, and it is important for my sense of well being that my home reflects God's beauty. Having pictures on the wall and places for most things is a wonderful help. I love knowing that my home is not just a physical place, it is also a place God can use to build His kingdom and reflect the things that are dear to His heart.

8. Feeding my family. This is a lot of work but it is also satisfying when I can put a yummy and nutritious meal or snack on the table. Lately I have loved giving Natey green smoothies. The process of growing food also gives me joy. There is nothing like being outside in the sun with your hands in the soil.

9. Discovering ministry opportunities that are within my capabilities and are appropriate for my season of life. I have written about some of these here. It is especially encouraging when I can include Elnathan in ministry opportunities.

10. Being content with what I am capable of doing in a day. Much of my frustration comes when I try to complete tasks that God has not given me the time or energy to complete! Often I have to be content with completing the most basic things, and the cobwebs have to wait. My days are happier when I choose contentment. Right now (5 days overdue and very sore) I am unable to do much except sit or lie down, and getting upset about that is of no use!

What about you? I'd love to hear from others about what lifts your spirits and helps you to live joyfully!

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My latest way to dry cloth nappies

I bought this handy air dryer from our local home and garden store. I was attracted to it because it is so compact that it can fit into a corner of a room.We do not own an electric dryer, so it is important for us to be able to dry things inside easily. Last week I came up with a new reason why this is a great system - I can take it out the front door and let my nappies have some sun on the porch! This is excellent for those days when the weather is uncertain and it is difficult to decide whether or not to dry nappies inside or outside. I can take it in and out quickly and they also gain some shelter from the veranda. This is just one more idea that may also be of use to others! The down side to this system is that the wheels don't have locks, so baby can be tempted to play with it. However, so far we have been blessed to be able to teach Elnathan not to play with it.

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Mona Lisa Smile

The parts of this post in italics come from a discussion forum assignment I submitted during the first trimester of my Diploma of Education. We were required to watch and review a film with an educational theme.

I chose the film “Mona Lisa Smile” because I had heard about its theme of women’s choices regarding family and career. I heard that some students in this film told their teacher that they did not want to become career women. Feminism and women’s choices regarding careers, education and family are topics I have been very interested in since I attended the University of Tasmania. In my Bachelor of Arts, feminism was taught in nearly every course. It was presented as providing unmitigated advances for women. Due to this exposure to feminism I have thought and read about it extensively, and concluded that many aspects of this philosophy are not Biblical.

As a cinematic product, it is clear that the film “Mona Lisa Smile” caters for the interests and perspectives of modern viewers. “Mona Lisa Smile” presents premarital sex in a positive or neutral light, through including it in the life Miss Watson who is the hero of the film. This is not presented as having negative consequences or as being wrong. This is in line with the perceptions about sexuality that now dominate in our society.

“Mona Lisa Smile” perpetrates negative and stereotypical perceptions of 1950s life that are commonly held. It also presents the idea, which is prominent today, that aiming to be solely a mother and wife limits of the potential of a woman’s life. “Mona Lisa Smile” clearly presents the idea that it is wrong to encourage women to be solely wives and mothers. At the same time, it challenges the notion that it being a wife and a mother is necessarily limiting in the stereotypical sense. Joan expresses this when she says of her choice not to become a lawyer: “I know exactly what I’m doing and it doesn’t make me any less smart”. Joan’s challenge to Miss Watson to look past the caricatures of housewives as people with “no depth, no intellect, no interests” and her accusation that “you didn’t come to Wellesley to help people find their way, I think you came to Wellesley to help people find your way” express a frustrated attempt to break through stereotypes to the heart of women’s choice. This presentation of the idea that it is wrong for women’s choices to be limited to either full time homemaking or careers is an expression of the modern conflicts and issues women face. Its exploration of this topic is meaningful in the current context.

I found the scene with Joan and Miss Watson intensely moving. One of my main griefs with regard to modern feminism is its limitation of women's choice in the area of homemaking and motherhood. While it is argued by many that women now have more choice, in reality it is harder for women to choose to prioritise home and family. If it is possible for women to "do it all" and do it well, why would any woman have an "excuse" not to "develop her full potential" in the paid workforce and contribute financially to the household?

Many women who would love to care for their own children at home are now pressured to place them in daycare centres with professional strangers. The cruel irony of this is that many of them end up little better off financially after paying childcare fees and the various other work related expenses, including buying more expensive food because they do not have time to cook. Women who prioritise unpaid work at home often feel as though their work is not valued, or is even despised. As Joan said in the Mona Lisa Smile, she would regret the loss of a happy family life more than she would regret the loss of a career. Joan knew she could not have it all, and her choice to prioritise home and family is one that many women today wish they felt able to make.

Feminism's elevation of paid employment over homemaking is also anti-biblical. The Bible exhorts women to be homemakers, or "keepers at home" (see Titus 2). In 1 Timothy 5:9 - 10 God sets out those lifestyle attributes that indicate that a woman has led a godly life. Amongst them are bringing up children, serving others in the church, and helping the needy. Men are exhorted to provide for their families (1 Tim. 5:8). In all of this, our priority is to please God and live a life that glorifies him. Both paid and unpaid work are valuable, as long as they lead to a lifestyle that reflects God's priorities for family and church life.

A woman's work at home is not only essential to family life, it is also essential to the health of the church and the furtherance of the gospel. A vision that is any narrower than this is not biblical. Women are to be hospitable servants of the church, whose homes are havens for the needy. The stereotype of a 1950s house wife who cares only for gaining the latest appliance, as caricatured in Mona Lisa Smile, is one example of homemaking that is unbiblical and lacking in vision. If women have only this narrow and selfish vision, it is no wonder they are dissatisfied. Women can best fulfill their God-given potential when they prioritise the home and the biblically mandated activities that happen there, and when they do not feel pressured into any paid work that interferes with this. To the extent that feminism advocates that women abandon the roles they will find the most fulfillment and effectiveness in, it is anti-woman and destructive to the kingdom of God.

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Tupperware galore

My mother gave me a Tupperware party as a Bridal Shower. Initially I was not very enthusiastic, but the results speak for themselves . . .


I already had some pantry containers, but most of these came from the party. I was totally amazed at how much I received thanks to the generosity of my guests . . . I also received some additional kitchen items. I don't think I have ever seen a pantry so well equipped with "Modular Mates" as Tupperware calls them . . . my sister says it looks like an add for Tupperware!

Most of the containers are empty in this picture, taken last week, but only three are empty now! It is fantastic to be able to have such a neat pantry where it is so easy to find things. I know that many women do quite well without any Tupperware but it is very nice to have!

I feel so incredibly blessed . . . I not only have plenty of food, I also have containers to keep it in!

I look forward to moving into my new home and cooking lots of things :). I have already cooked several meals, as Dave is already living there and we have had guests over for lunch.

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Redecorating chairs

Here is one of Great-Grandma Ida's chairs, in the form in which I received it . . .


My Grandad recovered these chairs when he inherited them. I am sure the covers are very sophisticated, but they are not really our style! They would perhaps suit a formal sitting room.

So we decided to re-do the chairs with throw blankets and cushions . . .



I had originally thought of making fitted covers, but decided it was foolish to add another time consuming thing to my list of "things to do before the wedding". I am really happy with the results of our shopping trip. The chairs now look more inviting and casual, and their backs show up better (I am not sure what the effect on the back of the chairs is called, but I like it!). They are also more comfortable. Oh, and they no longer clash with the purple living room wall in the house we are renting! Perhaps best of all, this option is much cheaper than having the chairs recovered or buying new chairs. We love our "antique" chairs - they make us feel sophisticated :). It is nice to have them fixed up before Dave's many international guests arrive to stay with him before the wedding.

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Feeling overwhelmed?

Crystal Payne has written a good post titled Help for the overwhelmed. Crystal suggests several reasons why we can feel overwhelmed, and offers solutions.

In regard to time managment, I have listened to the CD "24 Hours is All You Get" which Crystal recommends. This CD offers many good thoughts about prioritising and scheduling. Susan Bradrick encourages listeners to decide on those things that are truly God's priorities for your family at this time, and ensure that you put them into your schedule first. She also argues that many things we do are not God's priorities, and we need to leave those out of our schedules unless everything important is being done consistently. It is inspiring to think that one really could fit all the truly important things into life! However, it is very hard to set up a regular schedule unless life is very stable. At the moment, what I need to do is changing from week to week.

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